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November 18th
Here we go with another kick ass installment of The Truth!!!! I had a great week. The cake for my daughter’s party was a big hit. I changed the idea up slightly. It went from four tiers down to three tiers. Let me quote my little Jezabel, “My cake looks perfect and gorgeous!”
So yeah, I have no complaints about her cake what so ever. Jezabel was extremely happy with it and had a great time at her birthday party. Her and her friends played games and just had a blast. As with all children her favorite part of the night was opening her gifts. LOL Her two favorite gifts were the Ed Hardy backpack that her mom got for her and the cell phone that I got for her. So far with the exception of school, the phone hasn’t left her hands.
On her birthday Jezabel and I made a trip to Cabelas near Wheeling. She was excited the whole way and was constantly texting people to let them know that she was getting closer. Once we got there, her eyes lit up and she was excited as all hell. She took pictures of everything from the merchandise on the racks to the animals that are mounted all over the store. Surprisingly she didn’t want to buy much. The only thing that she wanted to buy was a large stuffed shark which is now laying in her bed. LOL
The thing she talks the most about from Cabelas is the elephant that she took pictures of. She was and still is impressed about how she got the whole elephant into the picture she took with her phone. In fact, she changed her wallpaper to the picture of the elephant.
After leaving Cabelas we headed over to Cracker Barrel for lunch where one of the funniest things on the trip happened. Jezabel is one of the smartest and brightest seven year olds I know. She is in private school and has straight A’s on her report card every time. With that being said, back to the Cracker Barrel incident. My daughter stood in the middle of Cracker Barrel and got into a fight with an electronic talking parrot. The parrot would repeat back everything you said to it. So just wanting to be silly I had the parrot say, “Hey Jezabel, come here.”
Jezabel about jumps out of her skin when this thing starts talking to her. Then Jezabel started having fun with it. She would say something and of course the parrot would repeat it back to her. At first she thought that the talking parrot was cute, then it started to annoy her. When she told it to shut up it told her to shut up, which in turn pissed her off. So she started yelling at the parrot and of course it started yelling back. The more the parrot would talk back and the more I would laugh the madder she got. I left her go for at least ten minutes yelling back and forth at that damn parrot. It was by far one of the funniest things that I had seen in a long time.
Needless to say, Jezabel and I had a great time on her birthday and we can’t wait for next year. She has already told me that she wants to go back to Cabelas next year for her birthday, but I don’t know, we will see. You know how kids are, she could change her mind tomorrow. LOL
I have always been great at getting myself into trouble. So much that people used to joke that I could and do get in trouble for shit that I have absolutely nothing to do with. Hell, I used to make that joke myself. A few days ago however, I have came to the conclusion that it wasn’t really a joke. I actually came to that conclusion at about 4AM the other morning when I was setting at the Punxsutawney Police Department. That’s right ladies and gentleman I was at the police station trying to sort shit out and clear my name. Fortunately for me, I know most of my local police and didn’t have much trouble clearing things up.
Now here is what happened. I had just came back inside from playing soccer with Jezabel and there was a knock at my door. I go to see who it is and there are two people that I had no fucking clue who they were. First words out of the guys mouth when I walked out was, “Do you know me?”
To which I replied, “No I don’t, this is a small town though and you do look familiar, but I don’t know who you are.”
So he asked, “Do you know her?"
I looked her up and down, and I half to be honest she was good looking. Nice perky tits, bleached hair, and well never mind. Anyway, I replied with, “As much as I hate to say it no, I don’t know her either; however, I wouldn’t mind knowing her.”
Now, I have to be honest with you, when he started asking me these questions my mind was going about a mile a minute trying to figure out what was going on. I’ve been to a lot of parties and I have met a lot of people. Maybe I did meet her somewhere and just didn’t remember. I had a direction in mind for where I thought this conversation was going. In my mind I’m thinking ok, the next words out of this guys mouth are going to be yeah well you better think harder because you met her at least once in fact she had your kid and we thought you should know.
Hell, had he said that it would have actually made more sense to me than what he did say. I have been preparing myself for years over the “surprise this is your kid.” LOL Ok, ok it really wouldn’t be funny if that ever happens, but you get my point. Either way, thankfully that isn’t what he said. What was said however, blew my mind.
After introducing himself and his girl friend to me he said, “Did you know that I am paying you to stalk my girl friend?”
Yeah, that’s exactly what he said. I didn’t know what to say or how to react I was fucking shocked to say the least. Some guy I don’t know is telling me that he is supposedly paying me to stalk a woman that I had never seen before. So after the initial shock I looked at him and said, Well no shit, that’s news to me. How much are you paying me and when am I going to get the cash?’
The two of them chuckled for a moment and then I was told that they were being serious. This broads ex-husband had told her that her new boy friend was paying me to stalk her and that I had told him all about it one morning at 7:30am in Sheetz. Now, anyone that knows me or has read past Truth installments knows damn well that my happy ass isn’t getting up that early in the fucking morning unless I absolutely have to. Anyway, turns out that her ex-husband was a guy that I knew from the bus back when I was in high school. In fact, it was a guy that I thought was a fucking douche bag then and still don’t like today.
She pulls out her trusty cell phone and starts showing me texts from her ex-husband and sure as shit what they were telling me was true. I was being dragged into the middle of a domestic situation between two people I didn’t know and a fuck nut that I hadn’t liked or talked to since riding the bus. Turns out that he had his ex-wife so convinced that I was stalking her that he took her to the police station and they told the police that I was showing up in all the same places as she was and that I had to be following her. The cop that they told all of this to told them that just because I was in the same public places as she was, it didn’t mean I was stalking her and that I hadn’t done anything illegal, yet her and her new boy friend are standing on my porch telling me all this shit getting me worked up wondering how in the fuck a report was filed when I knew damn well that I didn’t do any fucking thing. She even told me what cop that the report was filed with.
Now, I have to tell you, if I have done something I will be the first to admit it and take my punishment. I am big on personal responsibility. I have never once bitched or complained about the two times I have been arrested or the punishments that came with them. If you want to get me fired up and pissed off though, just accuse me of something that I didn’t do. Heads will fucking roll when I am accused of things I’m innocent of. So right after they left I headed down to the police station to sort shit out and see what was really going on.
The dispatcher and the cop I talked to were both extremely nice and I filled out some paper work, but neither of them had any clue of what I was talking about. Finally after spending an hour there I was informed that the cop the broad and her ex-husband talked to wouldn’t be back in the station until 4:00AM and that’s how I ended up at the station so early. I wanted to talk to him as soon as he got there so we could sort this out.
So anyway, I get to the police station and just as I walk in, the cop that they had talked to was standing there and lead me straight to the back laughing his ass off and asking me why I was there at 4 in the morning. So I told him what was told to me earlier in the day and he just laughed and told me that he knew it was a bullshit story when they had came in and tried to file a report. He wouldn’t even let them file the report because I hadn’t done anything illegal. Hell, he had even went as far as telling me that he had asked some of the cops that know me better than he does to let me know that it was all bullshit in case I had caught wind of what was going on. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the message in time and wasted a whole fucking night trying to figure out what was going on. Either way, I am damn glad that it is cleared up and all bullshit. LOL
It just amazes me that I got dragged into bullshit that I had nothing at all to do with. I have came to the realization that every problem in this world really is my fucking fault in one way or another. LMFAO So no matter what goes wrong with your life, just say that it is my fault and it will be taken care of. ROTFLMFAO
I don’t know if you heard about it or not but Rob Schneider was kicked off of a radio interview for supposedly being a jerk. I listen to damn near the entire 30 minute interview and I call total bullshit. Rob was doing what he does best and he was trying to make jokes and be funny. Before his interview he had to wait in the parking lot for them to call him 30 minutes late. Personally, if I was stuck in a parking lot and was a half hour late for my interview I would be making jokes about it as well.
The idiots doing the interview however weren’t smart enough to grasp the fact that all the man was trying to do was make his morning and waiting in the parking lot a comedy bit. Hell, he made a joke about how many pieces of gum and cigarette butts he counted in the entire parking lot, which was a very obvious joke. Instead of seeing the humor in the situation the jabronis decided to take it personally and started fighting with Rob, which in my opinion is complete and utter bullshit. Had they been smart enough to play along, it would have been a great and fun interview. I honestly wish that if people were going to give interviews that they would learn how to do it. I know that it isn’t that big of a deal, but now they are trying to paint the picture that Rob was nothing more than an arrogant asshole and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Well, well, well, I am headed to Morgantown and I fucking love it. I have a busy couple days. I will be checking into the hotel at around 12 and then its balls to the wall from then on out. I’m doing three autograph signings tomorrow and then the day after I am doing several more signings. I also have to be at the radio station at 9Am for an interview and then later on in the day, it is my understanding that I will be doing a remote with another radio station. I would give you the times and locations of all of the signings and what not, but I don’t yet have that info. The promoter is going to pick me up at the hotel and take me where I need to be. So, the way I see it as long as he knows where to take me I really don’t need to know. LOL Either way, I am looking forward to two fun filled, action packed days and then one helluva a show at Mylan Park in the Hazel and JW Ruby Community Building on Thursday the 19th at 7:30pm. Also, there will be a meet and greet before the show at 5:30! On Wednesday the 18th I will be at Superior Ford and Lincoln in Morgantown from 5pm-7pm then at Sidelines on High St. from 8pm-9:30pm. Make sure you listen to WKKW 97.9FM on Thursday at 9:30am, yours truly will be slithering around.
I also want to yet again ask for everyone’s help in spreading the word about my site. The more people we get coming on here the faster my ass becomes famous. I thank and love all of you guys for all of the help and support that you guys give me. If you have any ideas that you think would make the site better or more exciting please let me know. After all my site is dedicated to entertaining you and giving you what you want. In the very near future (possibly next week) there will be a forum added to the site to make it more interactive.
Until next time, thank you very much and I love you!!!!!
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