June 9th
 
       We have all made different choices in life.  We have also made our own paths and destinies.  Some of us walk to our own drum and yet others choose to follow and not be leaders.  It truly doesn’t matter which you choose to be; as long as you are happy with your life and your choices.  Sometimes, we make the wrong choices and don’t realize that we did until it is too late.  Hell, sometimes it takes years to realize that we were wrong.
 
       I know that there was a time in my life that just about every choice I made was the wrong choice.  I was influenced by the people around me and well they weren’t very good influences, and that is putting it mildly.  The choices I made at the time cost me everything I had at the time, including my first wife.
 
       I am going to do something that I have never in my life done.  I am going to set here and tell the whole story about Jamie.  I have spent damn near a decade beating myself up over the choices that I made that caused me to lose Jamie.  Hell, truth be told I developed my alcoholism while I was trying to drink the pain away.  The reason why I am telling this tale is because I have recently been informed by a couple of my friends that they had found Jamie and they sent me a way of contacting her via email.
 
       I met Jamie during her senior year in high school.  More accurately, I met Jamie in business math class.  She sat five seats back on the right side of the room and I was in the row next to her.  Jamie and I would causally talk at school, as students do.  I thought she was extremely beautiful, but she was in a relationship at the time so all we ever did was talk.  I wanted to ask her out, but back then I was a little too nervous and I knew that the answer would be no due to her current relationship.
 
       It wasn’t until after I graduated that I saw Jamie again.  So, basically there was a year and a half of not seeing or talking with Jamie.  It may not have been quite that long, but pretty close.  I was still 17 almost 18 at the time.  Then one summers day I went to see a friend of mine to see if Dave wanted to go fishing.  When I got there I was pleasantly surprised to see Jamie working with her father.  Her father was a contractor and was doing work on Dave’s house.  Once I saw Jamie I kinda lost interest in fishing.  LOL
 
       Jamie was on the ladder scraping paint.  I can honestly say that that was one of the most adorable sights I had ever seen.  Jamie was beautiful with the sunlight in her hair as she worked.  I use the term worked loosely because I was on the ladder with her and we did more flirting than working.  LOL
 
       None the less, that is how we reconnected after high school.  Jamie had told me were she worked through out the week and it was at an ice cream shop just past Brookville, PA.  After the day of flirting at Dave’s house I was extremely nervous.  I thought that Jamie was absolutely beautiful and from what I knew perfect in every way.  I had to convince myself to go see Jamie again.  Once I built up the courage, I headed to the ice cream shop with a bouquet of flowers to surprise her. 
 
       From there we hit it off and spent as much time together as humanly possible.  I was working at a lumber yard that is in all actuality 20 minutes away from the ice cream shop.  Hell, I was thinking about Jamie the other day while I was driving to Brookville and I timed it.  LOL  Either way, I some how managed to drive to the ice cream shop and then back to my job during my 30 minute lunch break on time, every time, just to spend a few minutes with Jamie.  To this day I still don’t know how I made it on time, all I can say is thank god for love and the Ford 460 big block.
 
       Jamie’s parents didn’t approve of our relationship because of religious differences, so we had to sneak around a lot.  Which we were both ok with because we had fun doing it.  There was one night that I will never forget.  We had just left the ice cream shop and Jamie was following me in her car.  I spilt my milkshake all over my lap.  I pulled the car over along the highway because I had another pair of pants in the car.  I told Jamie what had happened and that I was going to change my clothes.  I was standing half naked along side route 36 in the middle of the night and her head lights were on the whole time.  We laughed and joked about it many times.  To this day when I drive passed that part of 36 it makes me smile.
 
       I have been hit in the head so many times and as the years pass so do some of the memories, but I am going to tell you everything that I remember.  There was one night that Jamie and I went camping.  We had a tent and I got some firewood from the lumber yard that I worked at and we went to my step dads hunting grounds.  The fire made a perfect light.  The way the flames flickered on Jamie’s face is a memory that I will never forget.  As I set her crying and typing, I can honestly say that there has been other people that when the flicker of flames was hitting their, face I could have sworn that it was Jamie.  It was just so perfect.    
 
       I had managed to get a bottle of wine.  Not knowing much about wine at the time, I had cheap ass disgusting wine and no cork screw.  LOL   Since I didn’t have a corkscrew, I went with my boy scout ways, picked out my trusty knife, and used that to pick apart the cork.  We had a few drinks, but not many because it tasted horrible and there was cork all through it.
 
       When we decided that it was time to lay down Jamie and I kissed and kissed and kissed all night long.  Her and I kissed for hours upon hours.  We kissed for so much and for so long that I had blisters on my lips.   LOL

       Jamie and I spent a lot of time together at a place called Hemlock Lake.  We would go there just to walk and be with each other.  The lake was beautiful, although not as beautiful as Jamie.  We would walk until we got to one special spot then we would hold each other and just kiss.  At this point we had not had sex, all we would do is kiss.  Believe me, I wanted to make love, but Jamie was so perfect and special that I was afraid to push the issue because I was afraid that I would lose her.
 
       The first night that we made love was in her bed at her parent’s house.  I don’t remember where here parent’s were, but I do remember parking down the street at the church just passed the house so that no one would know I was there.  I walked over to Jamie’s house and we of course kissed for hours and then finally made love together.  That night was and always will be one of my most memorable nights of passionate love making.
 
       Now my Mother used to tell me that the day I turned 18 she was going to kick me out of the house and make me live on my own.  I beat her to the punch.  When I turned 18 Jamie and I got our first house together in Timblin, PA.  It was a white two story house.  Nothing spectacular, but it was our home.  A home that I have grown to miss.
 
       I remember many a days when Jamie and I would spend hours on end having fun and playing games.  There was one day when Jamie did a strip tease to one of her favorite songs at the time.  The song was Genie In A Bottle.  It truly was a priceless moment.  In fact after that Jamie and I made love and she is the first and last person that I have ever been with that when we were finished we both fell asleep while I was still inside of her.
 
       Jamie’s hands were the softest most loving hands that I have ever felt at that time in my life.  Jamie would just set beside me and rub each and every inch of my body.  I was actually startled by it one day when I woke up to her soft hand touching me.  I asked her why she was rubbing me in my sleep.  She replied with because I love you so much that if I ever go blind I want to be able to remember every part of your body.  I miss those hands, I truly do.
 
       Its one of the silliest things in the world, but I remember one time when Jamie wanted to cook me a chicken dinner.  She didn’t know that we were going to leave and she put the chicken on the stove with a towel over it.  The pilot light on the stove had warmed the chicken so much that when we got back a few days later it had the worse smell that you can imagine.  I don’t know why I remember that, but I do.  LOL
 
       Not long after we made our home together, I got the scariest call of my life.  I was told that Jamie was in the hospital.  She had passed out and wrecked her car on the way home from work.  This wasn’t Jamie’s first accident either. Before I had ever met her she was in an accident that almost took her life.  She has a scar on her stomach and had extensive facial reconstruction.
 
       Based on her past I knew that an accident could kill her.  I can’t even describe the fear that I had.  I was scared that I would never see Jamie again.  I rushed as fast as I could to the hospital.  At that time, the doctors couldn’t tell me much.  She had to be life lighted to Pittsburgh, PA.  I had a choice, I could fly in the helicopter with the love of my life, or I could let her Mother, whom hated me and the fact that we were together, ride with her.  Out of respect, I let her mother fly with her and I met up with her again in Pittsburgh as fast as I could drive. 
 
       I was by Jamie’s side every second of every day in Pittsburgh.  I was scared and she was in pain.  She lost four teeth and punctured both lungs.  I felt completely helpless.  All I could do was be there and hold her hand.  At night I would lay my head on the bed and try to hold her with out hurting her.  It was hard to do.  There were tubes everywhere.  I loved her so much, all I wanted to do was hold Jamie and I was afraid to.  I was scared that I would hurt her or pull a tube out, I mean the list goes on.  I was looking at the love of my life laying in a bed in extreme pain and I was helpless.
 
       When Jamie was released from the hospital we stayed with my mother until she was completely healed.  We also moved into a house in Big Run, PA.  When we lived in Big Run is when Jamie did one thing that I will be eternally grateful for until the day that I die.
 
       Jamie as you know was the first to give me the love, support, and encouragement to follow my dreams of becoming a professional wrestler.  I can never give Jamie enough thanks and praise for encouraging and supporting me in following my dreams.  Jamie was the first, had she not been there for me I wouldn’t be where I am today. 
 
       My god, I owe it all to Jamie for getting me started in this business.  Jamie gave me all the love and support that I needed to have the balls to talk to Jake.  Jamie is truly the reason why I am in this business.  Had it not been for Jamie, I would never have had the courage to do it.  The sad part is that no matter if I was to main event wrestlemania next year, I would feel empty.  As a boy growing up, my dream was to be like Hulk Hogan.  Once Jamie encouraged me to follow my dreams the dream became to be like Hulk and have Jamie at my side.  At this point, no matter what happens or where this career takes me, it will be a hollow victory because she won’t be beside me to bask in the glory.
 
       Don’t get me wrong, since then there have been lots of people that have been very supportive and helpful.  My Parents, Bart, Barbara, Jake, Bridget, Danielle, My Daughter…..  The list could go on and on and I am very grateful for each and every one of those people.  None the less, Jamie was the first and it became my dream to share with her.  Without Jamie, all the success in the world will still feel empty.
 
       Everything was as perfect as could be between Jamie and I until I moved to Texas to train with Jake.  I take full responsibility for all of my choices.  That being said, it was Jake that had introduced me to a world that I never knew existed.  I had went to Texas to try and set things up before Jamie came with me.  Instead of setting things up, I went down a path of fucking things up.  I met a girl named Nicole that I used to get what I wanted. Then I started drinking and doing drugs.  Jake made it seem like normal behavior for a wrestler, so I went with it not knowing any different.
 
       Because of the choices I made in Texas, the relationship with Jamie became rocky.  I tried everything I could to fix things, and that is when we got married.  I was so madly in love with Jamie that I would have given it all up for her.  Our marriage in my opinion was a match made in heaven.  I still use Jamie as the standard to which all other women are held, and I probably always will.
 
       After we got married Jamie moved out west with me.  We moved to the town of Ardmore, OK.  Everything was great for a little while until I showed her all the things that I had learned and what the life style was like.  I became emotionally unattached and started taking Jamie for granted.  Jamie was working two full time jobs while I was living it up with Jake. 
 
       I don’t know if Jamie ever knew it because of what she thought of and knew of Jake, but he distracted her in a room not more than ten feet away from the couch that I was setting on while a crack whore gave me head.  That is just one example of how I fucked up.  I even convinced Jamie to sleep with other women just so I had en excuse to sleep with the broads I was being with.  That aside, other women wasn’t the worst part.  The worst part was the fact that I fucked up and emotionally neglected the woman that I loved more than anything and still to this day love.
 
       I came home one night from a party and all Jamie wanted me to do was dance with her.  The stereo was playing a love song, the candles were burning, and Jamie looked angelic in the candle light.  I don’t know why, but for some reason flames always turned her into the most angelic person that I have ever in my life met.  All she wanted was for me to dance with her and to show her that I still cared.  I was so fucking selfish that I looked at her and said I am leaving and then went out with my friends.  I believe that that night was the final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. 
 
       It wasn’t too long after that that I found our home empty.  Everything was gone.  I was lost and I was confused.  I didn’t know what was going on.  I mean it was just empty.  At first I curled up in a ball and cried.  I was in the middle of our living room floor in the fetal position doing nothing but crying.  Once I finished crying, I was on a mission, I was going to find my wife and talk to her and see if we could fix the problems that I caused.  I don’t know why I didn’t drive, but I didn’t.  I just started walking.  I walked all over Ardmore, OK on a hot summers day.  I walked for hours and hours with nothing to eat or drink.
 
       I finally got to the place where I knew Jamie was working and asked to see her.  I was informed that if I didn’t leave the cops would be called.  I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such drastic measures.  Yes I fucked up, I cheated, and I emotionally neglected her, but I would have never physically hurt the woman that I loved more than life itself.
 
       None the less, after walking outside not only were the cops called but so was the paramedics.  I had walked for so long on that day in the heat that I had become severely dehydrated.  I passed out in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  I don’t remember much from being at the hospital, but I do know what the doctors told me.  I had almost killed myself from dehydration and I was begging for someone to please just let me see my wife.
 
       After I was released from the hospital I was lost and alone.  I just didn’t know what to do, so I moved back to PA with my mother.  Not long after, I was given divorce papers.  I loved Jamie so much that I wanted her to be happy, no matter the cost to me, so I signed the papers. 
 
       Signing those papers is the hardest thing that I have ever in my life done.  I can never explain in words how much I loved her then and how much I still love the woman that I knew a decade ago.  The first few years I blamed losing Jamie on wrestling and Jake for introducing me to the dark side of wrestling.  I finally took personal responsibility a few years ago and since then I have spent a great deal of time trying to locate Jamie.
 
       All I want is the opportunity to tell Jamie I am sorry for all the mistakes that I made and that I know I fucked up and hurt a very special woman and to thank her for loving me and encouraging me to become the entertainer that I am today.  That is all I want.  I don’t think that I am asking for too much.  After years of searching and trying to find her, a couple of friends of mine have finally succeeded and they found Jamie.  When they first told me that they talked to Jamie, my heart leapt for joy and my stomach was in knots.  I was so excited.  I could finally, hopefully, talk to Jamie one last time and tell her everything that I have wanted to tell her.
 
       So I sent an email to the address that my friends provided me with, not knowing for a fact that it was her, but feeling 99% confident that it was I sent this email…..
 
    Jamie, a friend of mine sent me a link to this Facebook account. He believes that you maybe the Jamie that I am looking for. Obviously I don’t know for sure if you are the right Jamie or not due to the fact that there is no picture on your profile. I am however going to take a chance, roll the dice and hope like hell that you are the Jamie that I have been trying to find for the past several years. If you are not the Jamie Kunselman that I was once married to I apologize for wasting your time. What you are about to read is going to be written under the assumption that you are the Jamie Kunselman that I have been searching for. Yet again if I am wrong I am truly sorry for bothering you and wasting your time.
 
     It has been almost a decade since you left me. At first I didn’t understand why and I blamed everyone but myself. In fact it took me several years before I took personal responsibility and blamed myself for what happened. Over the years I have spent a lot of time looking back and realizing all the mistakes that I made when we were together. For those mistakes I am truly sorry.
 
     There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t lay in bed at night wishing I had shown you the love and affection that you deserved. I would give anything to be able to go back in time and dance with you the night that you asked me to dance. You were always there for me and yet I never realized how important you were to me. I was never there when you needed me. I made every mistake there was to make. I am truly sorry. You deserved so much better than what I was at the time. I hurt you and I am truly eternally sorry and will be remorseful until the day I die.
 
     You were my first in a lot of ways. You were my first true love, you were the first to encourage and support my dreams of becoming a wrestler and you were the first to have my undying eternal love. I don’t know if you ever think about me, but I do know that I think about you!!!! I have two pictures of you and I together in my wallet, I have four tattoos on my right forearm dedicated to you. One is you name written in Chinese, one is a butterfly with two purple roses that have your initials hidden in them, one is a girl that resembles you as much as possible, and the newest is an ink well with a quill because of your love of writing and to represent calligraphy. Not only are you going to be in my heart and thoughts forever, you are also worshipped on my skin forever. I once told you that I would love you until the day I died and I meant it. You are the standard that I have held all other woman too.
 
     I have so much more that I would like to tell you, such as the way I still go to Hemlock lake to set and think about you, the way I hold you above all others. They way that I have talked about you and made you out like a goddess time and time again on my website. I just in all honesty don’t know what to say. I am scared, as I set and type this I am scared fucking shitless.
 
     I also want to tell you thank you!!!! You were the first person to love me unconditionally, support me, and encourage me to follow my dreams to become a professional wrestler. A dream that I have pursued and live on a daily basis. I may not be on TV or world famous, but I am living that dream. I am a professional wrestler and I love every minute of it.
 
    My only regret is that I can’t share my dream with you. You are the one that pushed me. Had you not been there I wouldn’t be able to follow my dream. I am so thankful that you loved and pushed me. I don’t think I could ever explain how much I appreciate everything that you did for me. Jamie, I love you and thank you for everything!!!!
 
    Since I don’t know if you are the Jamie that I am looking for I would like to say a couple things and make one small request. If you are not my ex-wife I am truly sorry for wasting you time. If you are my ex-wife please, please at the very least let me know that you got this email. If you ever would like to contact me you can call or text my cell at 814 952 3502 or all other contact information is at www.thesnakemandevenmichaels.com
 
    Just know one last thing, I never stopped loving you and I think about you daily. I am truly sorry for all the mistakes I made and I am very grateful for everything that you did for me to help me follow my dream.
 
Sincerely and eternally yours,
William L Frantz, Jr.
 
       Now, obviously you can see that like many wrestlers I have a legit name and a stage name.  Anyway, I sent that email to the link that I was given.  I never got a response.  On the other had my friend did get a response to her email.  That response was.  “I don't have much to say to Bill, since it was the past, and what is done is done.”
 
       I agree with Jamie, hell I always have.  What is done is done and it is the past.  That doesn’t change the fact that I have spent years trying to locate Jamie to tell her that I was sorry and to thank her for getting me into this business.  I don’t think that I am asking for much.  All I want is one last conversation.  Yes, I fucked up.  I neglected Jamie. I cheated on Jamie. I made mistakes. I was wrong, but is it really asking to much after almost 10 years just to have on last final conversation so that I can say what I feel.  I don’t think that it is, but then again maybe I am wrong. 
 
       I have been sitting here all night typing my heart out, trying to tell the world my most intimate story.  This is a part of me that I have tried to keep hidden from everyone.  I can’t help it, but when I found out what Jamie’s response was, I cried.  After all of these fucking years, damn it I see no reason in this world why I can’t just have one chance to say what is on my mind.
 
       I’m not, in any way, trying to get back in a relationship.  I just want to give Jamie the apologizes and the thanks that she deserves.  No matter whom she is in a relationship with now, he is the luckiest man in the world.  I once told Jamie that I would love her until the day that I die and I meant it.  Nothing will ever change that.  It might sound like some bullshit romance movie or book, but there truly isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Jamie.  I am very remorseful for everything that I did.  Damn it, why can’t I have the chance to say that to Jamie.

       I spend my life making people happy, making them smile, and making them forget their problems.  Why can’t I have just one last conversation to make my life better.  Maybe I truly am a pathetic fuck because I can’t get over it, but I just want one fucking conversation…….  I don’t know any more, I truly just don’t fucking know.
 
       After all of this I am sure that most of you are now bored assuming that you even read this far, and I am having a hard time typing through the tears at this point.  So just know that as my loyal fans I love you and I am thankful for each and every one of you.
 
       In closing I would like to leave you with a quote that I like a lot:
    "Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn't give up on them."

        I know that I am still in great despair and would give anything for just one more conversation, but that quote is very accurate.  After all of these years one thing is the same, just as the day Jamie left me, I still can’t have a chance to talk.
  
        Jamie, if you ever see this, please, please just give me one more chance to tell you what I have been thinking and feeling for all of these years.  I know I hurt you and I am sorry.  Just please give me the chance.
 
Until next time,